Decaying Morality
by malic124
Summary: After the events of Hostile Negotiation, the legal process against the would-be school shooter begins. At the center of the case is John Adams Foster, who will have to tell his tale of talking down Adam Rawlins. But, will his testimony help or hurt Adam's chances with the jury?
1. Home

Stef put the key into the front door, unlocking it for everyone. Lena and the kids followed her into the house before she shut the door and locked in, joining the family in the living room. Everyone sat down around the couch and recliners, waiting.

"OK," Stef began, sighing. "I know we all just went through something that was pretty horrible, so if anyone is having any bad feelings at all, I want you to tell Lena or myself, all right?" The kids all nodded. "That goes for you, too, Connor," she added.

"I'm fine," Connor replied, nodding.

"Is everyone else good?" Stef asked. The kids nodded again.

"If any of you start feeling anxious or upset, or anything like that, please come to one of us immediately," Lena added. "I don't want to see any closed doors at all. I want us to spend time with each other after what happened."

"And I know you're all probably curious about what happened in the library, but I don't want any of you asking John about it until he's ready to talk," said Stef. She glanced at John. "Would that be all right with you?"

John nodded. "I'd rather not talk about it just yet, but when I'm ready, I will."

"Good," Stef said. "And I also don't want any of you on social media tonight."

"Wait, why?" Mariana asked.

"There will be a lot of rumors, a lot of talking about what happened," Lena explained. "None of you have to see any of that."

"I'll be turning off the Wi-Fi in just a moment until tomorrow morning," Stef added. "And I'm going to take all of your phones for the night."

"And what are we supposed to do in the mean time?" Jesus asked.

"Uh, read a book?" Lena suggested.

"We can read a book on our phones," Jesus replied.

"Easy, Jesus," Stef said in a warning tone. Jesus nodded and pulled out his phone, offering it to Stef. She took it and the other kids gave up their phones, too. "Thanks, everyone," she said. "I'll take these and put them away. You can have them back first thing tomorrow morning. Connor, you can have yours back when you leave."

"What do we do now?" asked Brandon.

"Whatever you want, but Mama's right. You should all spend some time together," replied Stef. "After what happened today, we all need to be with each other. I'm gonna go put these away."

"John, can we see you in the kitchen, please?" asked Lena. John nodded and stood up with her and they walked into the kitchen. Stef locked up the phones before she looked up at them.

"I'll make some tea," she said, getting their water heater ready and grabbing some mugs. John and Lena waited until the tea was ready before all three of them sat down at the table.

"How are you doing, John?" Stef asked.

"Considering everything that happened today, I'm all right," John replied.

"Any flashbacks or any anxious feelings?" Lena chimed in.

John shook his head. "Nothing like that at all. I think I'm just relieved that it all went down without anyone getting hurt too badly."

"Are you sure?" Stef asked, sounding concerned.

"I'm good, Mom," John replied. "I promise. I know everyone's safe. Jack is back at the hotel with his parents. We're all here and we're together, that's what matters the most to me — I'm just happy to be home with everyone."

Stef and Lena nodded at him. "You let us know if there's any change in your mood and we can talk it out," Lena said.

"I will, I promise," John replied, standing up and kissing both his Moms on the cheek. "Can I go back and talk with Jude and Connor?"

"Of course, Love," Stef replied. "Just know that you don't have to talk to them about what happened today if you're not ready."

"I know," John said, taking one last swig of his tea. "One step at a time." He stood up and left the kitchen.

"Are you sure it's a good idea for him to talk about what happened?" Stef asked.

Lena nodded. "Bottling it all up inside won't do him any good," she said. "It's best if he talks about what happened, but only when he's ready."

"How about you?" asked Stef, standing up and pulling Lena into a hug. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine," Lena replied. "I'm a little shaken up, but I'll be OK. Like John said, I'm just glad we're all together."

* * *

John entered the living room and walked over to the couch, where Jude and Connor were talking quietly.

"Hey guys," he said. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"Of course," Jude said, scrambling to make room for John on the couch. John sat down next to him and smiled.

"You guys OK?" he asked.

"We're fine," Jude replied. "What about you?"

John sighed before he answered. "It's not the first time I've had a gun on me," he said, as he thought about the last time. He grimaced at the memory. "But, it's in the past, and we're all here together, now. That's what matters."

There was an awkward silence between them for a moment. "I met Jack today," Connor said nervously, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?" John asked, smiling at him. "What'd you think of him?"

"Well, I could see how worried he was about you. That tells me he cares about you. I already like him because of that."

They all chuckled before John replied. "He's a good guy," he said. "I'm lucky to have him in my circle. And the both of you," he added, grabbing Jude and Connor's hands. "Together," he whispered.

"Together," Jude and Connor echoed.

* * *

That night, the family gathered in front of the TV after Connor left for home. Stef and Lena occupied the rocking chairs, while Jesus, Brandon and Callie sat on the floor in front of the table with a blanket. John, Jude and Mariana sat together on the couch. Once everyone was settled, Stef hit play and they were taken to the DVD menu for _Finding Nemo_.

" _Finding Nemo, really?"_ Jesus asked, exasperated.

"Yes," Lena replied. "We needed to watch something without any violence, sex, or drugs."

"Besides, it's a great film," John added, causing everyone else to giggle.

Jesus rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say," he said.

"Fair warning," John interjected as Stef hit the play button. "I'm known for quoting this whole movie as we watch it."

Everyone made a fake groaning noise and then laughed as the movie began. John turned to Jude and smiled at him, throwing an arm around Jude and pulling him closer.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," Jude replied.


	2. Seeking Help

John sat up in his bed, reading a book before he turned in for the night. Jude was already lying down. They heard the phone ring a few times before someone else answered it. A few minutes later, they heard approaching footsteps and a knock on their door, which was open partway. John looked over and saw Stef with the phone in her hand.

"John, it's Noah on the phone," she said. "He wants to talk to you for a few moments."

John nodded and stood up from his bed. He took the phone from Stef and nodded at her.

"Just put it back on the receiver outside our room, please," Stef said.

"I will," John replied, nodding at her. "Thanks, Mom." Stef walked back toward she and Lena's bedroom as John walked back to his bed. "Hello?"

"Hey," Noah said. "I'm so sorry I didn't call earlier. We just got back from the mission trip and I heard what happened at the school today."

"It's OK, Noah," John replied. "I understand."

"Are you OK?" Noah demanded. "I heard you were in the library with the gunman."

"Yes, I was. I managed to talk him down and get us all of the building safely."

"And you're not hurt?"

"I'm fine, Noah. I promise. The only person who got hit was the shooter's dad, and he's gonna make it."

Noah breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God you're OK," he said. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there."

"Don't worry about it, Noah," replied John, chuckling to himself. "I know you're worried about me, but I'm OK. I promise. And I really appreciate your concern."

There was a brief pause before Noah spoke again. "I know it's kind of sudden and last minute, but would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow? I'd really like to see you."

"Tomorrow?" John asked. "I would love to, but I'll have to ask my Moms first if I can make it."

"I understand," Noah said quickly. "If you can't, I get it. I just really wanna see you."

"And I want to see you. I'll ask them as soon as I get off the phone. I'll text you tomorrow morning. I'm pretty tired right now."

"Of course. Just let me know. Goodnight, John."

"Goodnight, Noah," John said, hanging up the phone. He glanced over at Jude, who seemed wide-awake now. "Listening in?" he asked with a mischievous smile on his face.

"I didn't know Noah knew our house phone number," Jude said.

"Yeah, I gave it to him. He must've tried my cell and since all our phones are locked up, he must've tried the house phone."

"But why did you give him the house phone number?" Jude asked. "I didn't really know you two were that close."

John sighed. "Well, I knew I'd have to tell you this eventually, Jude."

"Tell me what?" Jude interrupted, sitting up in his bed and suddenly looking excited.

"Noah and I are kind of a thing," John said, grinning at Jude's expression.

Jude smile seemed to grow. "A thing? Meaning?"

"Good god, do I have to spell it out for you?" John asked, rolling his eyes, but still smiling. "We're dating."

"Oh John!" Jude exclaimed, jumping up from his bed and rushing over to John's. He threw his arm around his brother.

"I didn't think you'd be this excited about it," John laughed, hugging Jude back.

"Are you kidding? I've been waiting for you to find someone as long as you have!"

John laughed. "I appreciate the support," he said, breaking the hug. "I gotta go put the phone back."

"What did he ask?" Jude asked, his excitement still growing.

"He wanted to know if I wanted to come over for dinner tomorrow night."

"Are you going?"

"My god, you're like a overly hyper teenage girl," John said, causing both of them to laugh. "I'm gonna ask Moms if I can go."

"Do they know you're dating?"

"Well, I better tell them before you do!" John exclaimed, laughing as he left the room and Jude threw a pillow at him. He walked toward Stef and Lena's room and put the phone down on the receiver outside it. He knocked on their door, which was partway closed.

"Come in," Lena replied.

John walked into the bedroom and stopped at the foot of the bed.

"Hey, Love, everything OK?" Stef asked

"Yeah," John said. "There's something I wanted to tell you both, now that Jude knows about it."

"What is it?" asked Lena.

"Uh, Noah and I," John stammered before he took a breath. "Noah and I are dating."

Stef and Lena looked at each in shock for a few moments before Stef spoke. "That's wonderful, John. I don't think we knew you were gay."

"Yeah, I don't know," John said, seeming at ease now that he told him about the relationship. "I don't know if I am or not."

"Are you sure about this relationship?" Lena asked, sounding concerned.

"Oh yeah, I am," John said. "I've never felt this way about anyone before and when he and I met, it was like an instant connection and when he kissed me, it felt right."

"You're kissing already?" Stef asked with a sly smile.

"Hey, now," John said, chuckling. "It wasn't like that. It was just a rush of emotions for both of us. And when we kissed a second time, it still felt right."

"I think as long as it feels right to you, labels shouldn't matter," Lena said.

"I agree," Stef added. "As long as you two care about one another, that should be all that matters."

"And there's another thing," John said. "Noah invited me to dinner tomorrow night. I was wondering if I could go."

Stef and Lena glanced at each other again. "I think that would be great," Lena said. "After what happened today, seeing someone you care about is important."

John smiled at them. "Thanks, Moms," he said. "I'm gonna turn in for the night. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Love," Stef said, smiling back at him. When John left the room, she turned back to Lena. "Are we sure about this?" she asked.

"Yeah," Lena replied. "I think if he cares about Noah and Noah cares about him, they should pursue whatever relationship they want."

"Are you worried about him not knowing if he's gay?"

"I think it's more about the person with John. He's not really one to be concerned with labels. I think that as long as he's happy, it shouldn't matter."

"I agree," Stef replied, kissing Lena on the head before she turned off the lamp.

* * *

Once dishes were put away after breakfast the next morning, John walked over to Stef and Lena, who were sitting at the dining table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. He cleared his throat and they both looked up.

"Hey John," Lena said. "Everything OK?"

"Yeah, it's just you said if any of us felt anxious about anything to talk to you," John replied.

"Of course," Stef said. "Is something bothering you, Love?"

"Adam's motive for what he did."

"OK," said Stef. "What did he tell you?"

"He told me that his father raped his sister, which is why she and their mother had to leave their home. It was never reported to anyone."

"Oh my god," Lena whispered, a look of shock on her face. "That's horrible."

John nodded. "Mom, do you think there's any way you could look into it?" he asked.

Stef put a hand on John's arm. "I know you're concerned, Love, but since I'm your mother, it would be a major conflict of interest for me to pursue it."

"I get it," John replied. "It's just been bothering me that it was never reported to anyone."

"You could still report it," Stef said. "I know at least one person who would be able to help you."

"Who?"

"Nick Amaro," replied Stef. "The detective who helped Brandon during the trial against Dani. He would be able to investigate Adam's report."

John nodded. "Do you know where I can find a phone number for him?"

"I've got it saved in my phone. I'll text it to you. Give him a call."

John nodded, thanked his moms and left the dining room. He texted Noah to let him know he would be over for dinner that evening before he got a text from Stef with the phone number for the Special Victims Unit. He dialed it.

"Special Victims Unit," said a voice on the other hand.

"Detective Nick Amaro, please," John replied.

"One moment."

A few seconds later, another person answered the phone.

"Nick Amaro," Amaro said.

"Detective, it's John Adams Foster, Brandon Foster's cousin, well, brother now."

"John, how are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks. I actually may have a case for you."

"Yeah? What is it?" Amaro asked.

"A possible rape case. I was actually wondering if I could meet with you and David Haden something later today. I could take an Uber to the precinct."

"That should work, John. We should be able to meet around 2. Is this a good number to call you back on?"

"Yeah, it's my cell," John replied.

"Great, I've got it saved in our caller ID here. I'll program it into my phone and send you a text. This way we can reschedule if we need to."

"Thanks, Detective."

* * *

Amaro opened the door to a room adjacent to his captain's office.

"Thanks for coming in, John," he said, gesturing for John to sit down at the table, where David Haden was sitting with his notebook.

"Of course," John replied, walking toward the table and shaking hands with Haden before sitting with Amaro.

"So, you have a possible rape case for us?" Haden asked.

John nodded. "I assume you guys heard about what happened yesterday at Anchor Beach?"

"We did," Amaro replied. "We also heard that you were the hostage negotiator."

"I wouldn't exactly call it that. I just managed to de-escalate it long enough for him to surrender. That's actually why I'm here: his motive for the shooting."

"How do you think we can help?" Amaro asked.

"I was just getting to that. Adam Rawlins told me that his father, Joseph, raped his sister, Amanda, which is why Amanda and their mother left them."

"I see," Haden said. "And how can we help?"

"Can you investigate it?" John asked.

"It hasn't been already?" Amaro asked.

John shook his head. "I don't think Adam even knew until she told him about it the night before last. I think that's what set him off."

Amaro and Haden glanced at each other before Amaro looked back at John.

"Thank you for telling us about this, John. I promise you we will look into this."

John nodded. "Thank you for meeting with me," he said, standing up with Amaro. Amaro escorted him out of the room and out of the squadroom.

* * *

After meeting Noah's mother, John stood in the kitchen with Noah, deciding what to order from the takeout restaurant down the street. Noah's mother had left to attend a movie with some friends. Once the food had been ordered, John turned to Noah.

"So, your Mom trusts you to be here alone with your boyfriend?" he asked playfully.

Noah chuckled, putting his arms around John's waist.

"I think she's just glad that she knows how much you and I care about each other," Noah said before kissing John.

"Amen to that," John replied.

* * *

After dinner, John lay on top of Noah on the couch. Noah has his arm around John.

"So, are you doing all right?" Noah asked.

John sighed. "I kinda wish people would stop asking me that," he said.

"I'm sorry," Noah said quickly.

"Stop apologizing," John said, looking up at Noah. "It's OK, Noah, I promise. That's what I love so much about you: I know that you care."

"I do," Noah said, patting John on the head. "And I'm really glad you came over for dinner."

"Me, too," John replied. He leaned up and kissed Noah. Once they broke apart, John lay back down on Noah's chest and Noah put his hand on John's head as they lay together.


	3. Arraignment

John walked into his, Jude and Jesus' bedroom, where Jude was sitting on his bed, playing a game on his iPad.

"Hey," Jude said, looking at John. "You ready for our double date tonight?"

John chuckled and walked toward the closet as he talked. "I just no idea what to wear," he sighed. "I have to dress formally for court when Adam gets arraigned and I really don't want to have to come back home and change for dinner, so I've got to wear something appropriate for both."

Jude giggled and put down his iPad, standing up and walking over to the closet next to John. "You just have to look nice," he said, reaching into the closet and sorting through the various suits he and John had. After a few moments, he called out, "Ah ha!" before he emerged from the closet with a dark green tie and matching vest. "This is a great color on you," he said, holding them up to John's chest. "Yeah, that'll look great."

"Isn't it a bit much?" John asked, sounding nervous.

"Will you relax?" Jude replied. "Noah is just gonna be happy to see you and if you look as good as you usually do in this color, he's gonna love it."

"I'm sorry," John said. "I've never been on a date before."

"Yeah you have. You went to dinner with him after the promo shoot and you had dinner with him at his house."

"But those weren't dates. Heck, the dinner was just a thank you that turned into us kissing and the dinner at his house was just for me to meet his mother and talk about what happened with the incident in the library."

Jude laughed. "Look at me, John," he said. John looked up and stared into his eyes. Jude put his hands on John's shoulders. "Everything's gonna be OK. I promise. Connor and I will be there the whole time. And all you have to do is be there with Noah and everything will be all right."

John nodded. "Thanks," he said, pulling Jude into a hug. "I owe you one."

* * *

John sat in the gallery of the courtroom where Adam was scheduled to have his arraignment. He adjusted his tie before the court officer walked up to the judge's bench. Adam stood alone at the defense table; his attorney had not shown up yet.

"Docket ending 79176," the officer read from the clipboard he was carrying. "The People versus Adam Eugene Rawlins. One count attempted murder in the second degree. One count illegal possession of a firearm." The officer handed the judge the case file and the judge glanced at it before setting down on her desk on the bench.

"Jennifer Evans for The People," said the prosecutor, a blonde woman in her thirties.

"Where is your counsel, Mr. Rawlins?" asked the judge.

"Right here, Your Honor," said a voice from the back of the courtroom. John turned as everyone else did and gasped as he saw Alex Kelbert walk toward the defense table carrying his briefcase.

"Ah, Mr. Kelbert, still on the defense side of the law, I see," the judge said.

"I have a little more time left of leave from the DA's office, Your Honor," Kelbert replied. "If it pleases the court, I will be representing Adam Rawlins pro bono."

"Do The People have any objections?" the judge asked.

"No, Your Honor," Evans replied. "My colleague is free to defend whomever he pleases."

"So ordered," said the judge, making a note on the case file. "How does your client plead, Mr. Kelbert?"

"We plead Not Guilty, Your Honor," Kelbert replied.

"Bail, Miss Evans?"

"The People request remand," Evans said in a commanding voice. "The defendant brought a gun to school and used it to shoot his father. Given the horrendous nature of his crime, we request bail be denied."

"That is punitive, Your Honor," Kelbert rebuked. "My client is not a flight risk and has ties to the community. His mother and sister are in the courtroom today and are willing to take him in."

"That may be, Mr. Kelbert, but given the nature of these charges, I am not comfortable merely releasing your client on his own recognizance. I am setting bail at $500,000."

"Your Honor, is that not an outrageous amount for merely two charges?" Kelbert challenged.

"Watch yourself, Alex," the judge replied in an icy voice. "We may be colleagues, but I will not hesitate to hold you in contempt of court. Bail is hereby set at $500,000," she finished, banging her gavel and stepping away from the bench.

Kelbert put a hand on Adam's shoulder and whispered something to him before the bailiff took him away. He then picked up his briefcase and turned toward the gallery, noticing John. He smiled and walked toward John, who stood up and shook Kelbert's hand.

"I hear you were able to talk down Adam in the library," Kelbert said.

"You heard correctly," John replied. "How is he doing?"

"He'll be OK. His mother will have to post bail in order for him to stay out of jail before his trial. Are you willing to testify?"

"If you need me to."

"I will," Kelbert said before he seemed to notice John's tie and vest. "Big plans for tonight? A hot date, maybe?"

John laughed and nodded. "Actually, yes. My boyfriend and I are going on a double date with Jude and Connor."

Kelbert smiled and patted John on the shoulder. "Good for you," he said. "I'm glad to see you doing well, John. I'm late for a meeting at my office, so forgive me for cutting this short."

"Of course. I've gotta get going, too."

* * *

John knocked on Noah's front door. Moments later, Noah's mother opened the door and smiled when she saw John.

"My goodness, John, you look so handsome," she said sweetly.

"Thank you, ma'am," John replied, smiling and following her gesture into the house.

"He's upstairs," Noah's mom said. "He's going to be so happy to see you."

"Thank you," John said before walking up the stairs and heading toward Noah's room. He took a deep breath before he knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Noah called.

John took another deep breath before he opened the door to Noah's bedroom. Noah was standing in front of his mirror, double-checking his hair and making sure his navy blue tie was straightened. Like John, he also wore a vest that matched his tie. When he saw John, Noah paused and stared at his outfit.

"Wow," Noah said quietly. "You look great."

John smiled. "You, too," he said stepping forward and pulling Noah into a hug. When they broke apart, John kept his arms around Noah and kissed him. "You ready?" he asked after they stopped.

"Yep," Noah said, grabbing onto John's hand and following him out of the bedroom and down the stairs, where his mother was waiting.

"My word, you two look so great," she said, practically squealing with excitement. "I've got to get a picture of this."

"Really, Mom?" Noah asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Hey, I want one," John said, causing Noah's mother to laugh. She pulled her phone out and pointed it toward them.

"All right, boys, squeeze together," she said. John and Noah followed her instructions and put their arms around each other, smiling. A few moments later, she put her phone down. "Got it."

"Make sure and text that to me," John said while Noah grinned. John kissed him on the cheek. "You know you love it," he teased, causing Noah to laugh.

"Now you two better get going," Noah's mom said, opening the front door to let them out. "Not too late, all right, John?"

"Yes, ma'am," John replied. "I won't keep him out too long."

* * *

At the restaurant, John and Noah waited holding hands for Jude and Connor to show up. After waiting for about 15 minutes, Jude and Connor walked in, dressed similarly to John and Noah — Jude had a red tie and vest while Connor wore an aqua blue set.

"Hey guys," John said, standing up with Noah and hugging Jude and Connor. "You clean up nicely."

"You, too," Connor replied, causing them all to laugh.

"Connor, this is Noah," John said, gesturing to Noah. Noah and Connor shook hands. "Noah, this is Connor."

"It's great to finally meet you," Noah said. "John has told me a lot about you."

"Likewise," Connor replied.

"Well, shall we get our table, then?" John asked.

* * *

Half an hour later, the boys were enjoying themselves and each other's company as dinner was served. Once they had finished the meal, they sat together talking and laughing before John felt his phone vibrating. He pulled it out and saw Nick Amaro was attempting to call him.

"I'm sorry, guys, I have to take this," he said, answering the phone. "This is John."

"John, it's Nick Amaro," Amaro replied. "I'm sorry to bug you so late."

"No, it's all right. Is everything OK?"

"I just wanted to let you know that we have enough to charge Adam's father with rape," Amaro explained. "We'll be filing charges as soon as possible and then Joseph will have a trial. We'll need you to testify."

"I'll be there. Thank you for calling, Nick."

"Have a good night."

"You too," John said, hanging his phone up and putting it back in his pocket.

"What's up?" Noah asked.

"That was Detective Amaro from Special Victims," said John. "They have enough to file charges against Adam's father. It looks like I'll be testifying twice."

Jude nodded. "You OK with that?" he asked.

"I'll have to be," John replied. "I'm not really going to have a choice with either case. Besides, if it will help justice be served, then so be it."

"We'll be here with you the whole time," Noah said.

"I know," John said, holding out his hand and gesturing for Noah, Jude and Connor to place it on top of his. They did so. "Together," John said.

"Together," Noah, Jude and Connor replied.


	4. Unwelcome Distraction

"How do you know Adam Rawlins, Mr. Adams Foster?" Haden asked as he walked toward the witness stand, where John was rehearsing his testimony.

"We're classmates in my history class at Anchor Beach," John replied. "We're more acquaintances than anything else."

"And yet, you still felt comfortable talking to Mr. Rawlins when he had a gun in the school library, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"I know this might be difficult, John," Haden said, breaking the rehearsal. "If you ever need a break, you let me know."

John nodded. "I'm good."

"So, Mr. Adams Foster, what exactly did Adam Rawlins tell you about his father and sister?"

"He told me that his sister disclosed to him that their father had raped her," John answered.

"And you believed him?"

"I did."

"Why's that?"

"As a survivor of sexual assault myself, I know the lasting effects it can have on both a survivor and their family."

"Good," Haden said, breaking the rehearsal again. "You're doing great, John. I know there will probably be some hurdles with the defense, but as long as you tell the truth, you'll be all right."

"I understand," John replied, realizing his phone was buzzing in his pocket. "Excuse me," he said hastily, pulling out his phone and seeing a call from Nicole, Noah's mother, coming in. "Nicole, is everything all right?"

"Oh, John!" Nicole exclaimed, sounding flustered. "Noah is in the hospital."

"Oh my god," John said, standing up at the witness stand, while Haden glanced at Amaro, who stood up and started walking toward the stand. "What happened?"

"He just collapsed a little while ago at church. We're in the ER at Scripps Mercy hospital."

"I'm on my way," John said, hanging up his phone and jumping down from the stand.

"What's going on, John?" Amaro asked.

"It's my boyfriend; he's at Scripps Mercy. He collapsed."

"I'll get you there," Amaro said, grabbing onto John's arm and pulling him toward the exit. "It'll be faster with me than if you go by yourself."

* * *

John ran into the waiting room in the ER, where Nicole was standing pacing.

"Nicole!" he called out when he arrived. Nicole turned and faced him, her eyes full of tears. He ran up to her and pulled her into a hug. "What happened?"

"We were at church," Nicole explained, her breathing slowing down before they broke apart. "I was working on a sermon when one of the other pastors came running in, telling me Noah had collapsed."

"Do you think it was one of his panic attacks?" John asked.

"It might have been."

At that, John heard a voice call him from behind. He turned around and saw Stef and Lena rushing into the room with Jude and Jack. Stef and Lena hurried to him and pulled him into a hug.

"You didn't have to come," John said.

"Of course we did, Love," Stef replied. "You sounded so worried on the phone; we had to come and see if he was OK."

"Are you all right?" Lena asked as they broke apart and John embraced Jack and Jude.

"I'm fine. Amaro got me here as quickly as he could. Sorry," he added, gesturing to Nicole. "Nicole, these are my Moms, Stef and Lena, my brother Jude and my twin, Jack."

"Are you OK, Nicole?" asked Stef in a soft voice.

"I'm all right, considering," Nicole replied, wiping a tear away.

"Is there anything we can do for you?" Lena asked. "Can we call anyone for you, or get you anything?"

"That's very sweet of you to ask, but I'm OK. I called Noah's father and told him what happened. He lives in New York, but he said to call him with any updates. My sister already knows and she's stopping by my house to grab some things and then she'll be by."

Stef and Lena nodded before they all sat down together.

"Where's everyone else?" John asked.

"They wanted to come, Love, but we told them it would probably be a better idea if it was just us," Stef said. "They send their love to you. But Jude demanded that he come and we had to tell Jack."

John turned to his brothers. "Thank you so much for coming," he said, on the verge of tears.

Jack threw an arm around John. "You don't have to thank us," Jack whispered. "I'm just glad that you were able to get here as quickly as you did. Besides, this will give me my chance to finally meet Noah," he added with a chuckle.

John laughed with him. "I'm really glad you're here," he said, pulling Jack into a hug. "And you," he added to Jude.

"Of course," Jude said. "I had to make sure he was OK and that you weren't going crazy waiting."

"I appreciate that," said John, smiling at Jude. "How's Connor?"

"He's good. I told him what happened and he sends his love."

John grinned again as a doctor walked into the waiting room and approached them.

"How is he, doctor?" Nicole demanded.

"He's gonna be all right," the doctor explained, smiling at them. "We did a full examination, but didn't find anything life threatening. We do believe Noah suffered a major panic attack and collapsed due to the high heart rate. I recommend he stay overnight and then take it easy for a few days."

"Can we see him?" asked John.

"Sure, but take it easy with him. He's in room 303." the doctor replied before turning and leaving the waiting room.

"You go ahead, Nicole," John said. Nicole nodded left the room. About 10 minutes later, she came back and nodded at John, who got up with Jude and Jack and walked toward Noah's room.

John hesitated before going inside.

"It's OK," Jack whispered. "We're right here with you."

John nodded and led them into the room. Noah turned as they walked in and smiled at them.

"Hi," he said in a weak voice.

"How are you doing?" John asked, bending down and kissing Noah on the forehead and grabbing one of his hands.

"Better now that you're here," Noah answered quietly.

John grinned. "I want you to meet someone," he said, looking at Jack, who stepped closer to him and grinned. "This is my twin brother, Jack."

"It's nice to meet you, Noah," Jack said.

"You, too," Noah replied. "Sorry it's not under the best circumstances."

"No, it's OK," Jack said. "I've been wanting to meet you ever since John told me about you. And hey, as long as you make my twin happy, that's all I care about."

They all chuckled before Jude spoke. "You sure you're OK?" he asked.

"I'll be fine," Noah said. "I just had a really bad panic attack at church. I don't really know why, but it just started happening. I'll be all right."

"Well just do me one favor," John said.

"What's that?" Noah asked, grinning.

"Never scare me like that again."

Noah chuckled. "I promise."

"Good," John said, leaning back down and kissing Noah. "I love you."

"I love you, too."


	5. Shattered

"The Defense calls John Adams Foster to the stand," Kelbert said in a commanding voice.

A bailiff opened the entrance to the courtroom and John walked in, dressed in a black suit with his hair parted to the right, similar to Noah's usual hairstyle. He took his spot on the stand and after being sworn in, Kelbert approached him.

"Mr. Adams Foster, you were in the library the day that Adam Rawlins came to Anchor Beach with a gun, is that right?" Kelbert asked.

"I was."

"What were you doing in the library?"

"I was working on a project for my English class. I was working at a computer when Adam entered the library."

"How well do you know Adam Rawlins, John?"

"Objection!" called Jennifer Evans, the prosecutor. "Relevance?"

"Your Honor, Mr. Adams Foster is a key witness in this case. His relationship to my client is an important part of his testimony."

"Objection overruled," the judge said. "The witness may answer," he added to John.

John nodded. "Adam and I were in English class together. I didn't know him that well."

"Were you friends?"

"No, it was more like we were friendly classmates. We knew each other, but we weren't close."

"So, Mr. Adams Foster, what did you see when Adam Rawlins was confronted by his father?"

"I only saw Joseph enter the library. He went up to Adam and they started talking."

"What happened next?"

"I need a book to help me on the project I was working on. It was close to where Adam and his father were talking."

"You went to get the book?"

"Yes," John said. "I was pulling the book off the shelf when I heard Adam shout, 'Fine, you want your damn gun?' I looked over and saw Adam reach into his backpack and pull out a gun."

"What did you do then?" Kelbert asked.

"I yelled 'gun!' and ran to the counter where you check out books and told the librarian to get my mother, Lena Adams Foster, the vice principal of Anchor Beach, on the phone and tell her what had happened."

"And when did you start talking to the defendant about surrendering to police?"

"I'm not sure of the actual timing, but it was shortly after the alarms had stopped going off, informing the school that we were going on lockdown."

"What did you do?"

"I talked to Adam, tried to get him to calm down."

"Objection, Your Honor. Hearsay!" Evans yelled, standing.

"I'm going to allow a little leeway here," the judge said. "The objection is overruled. You may continue, Mr. Kelbert."

Kelbert nodded. "What did you talk about?"

"I tried to understand how we got to that point," John explained. "I was trying to figure out why Adam had brought the gun to school."

"Did he answer you right away?"

"He implied that his father had done something to his sister. Before I could find out what, Adam lost his patience and shot his father in the leg."

"What happened next?"

"I managed to persuade Adam to let the paramedics in to treat his father. Once Joseph was removed from the library, I continued to talk to Adam."

"What did you talk about?" Kelbert asked.

"I talked to him, again, about his motive for bringing the gun to school. He eventually revealed to me that his father had raped his sister, Amanda, repeatedly as a teenager. He told me that his sister had disclosed to him the night before."

"Did you believe, Adam?"

"I did."

"Why's that?"

"Objection!" Evans yelled again, standing. "The witness cannot definitively say whether the defendant's sister was raped or not."

"That's not the question here," Kelbert retorted. "The question is if Mr. Adams Foster believed what the defendant told him about his sister's rape allegation."

"And why should that matter?" Evans asked.

"Mr. Adams Foster is a survivor of sexual assault himself, Your Honor. I assure you he knows what he's talking about here."

"I understand, Mr. Kelbert. The objection is overruled."

Kelbert nodded again. He turned to John. "John, did you believe what Adam told you when he said his father raped his sister?"

"Yes," John replied. "I understand the shame and the stigma that rape victims face. And I understand how that can affect family members of survivors."

"After Adam told you about the rape, what happened?"

"I managed to convince Adam to surrender to the police. He dropped his gun and we left the library together. That's when he was arrested by the police."

"Thank you, John," Kelbert said. "For your testimony today and for what you did that day. You helped save a lot of lives. Nothing further."

Kelbert turned and walked back to the defense table. He and John both glanced at Evans.

"Miss Evans?" the judge asked.

Evans stood. "The People have no questions for this witness," she said, before sitting back down.

"Very well," the judge replied. "You may step down Mr. Adams Foster. We will recess until tomorrow. Court is adjourned," he added, banging his gavel.

John stepped down from the stand and walked toward the defense table, where Adam was being escorted away by a court officer. Kelbert looked up when he saw John.

"How is he?" John asked.

"He's all right," Kelbert replied. "He's had some time to think about what happened that day. I think he truly feels remorse."

John nodded. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Thank you for testifying today. How were things at Joseph's trial?"

"A little easier," John explained. "I just had to talk about Adam disclosing to me. It was less about me and more about what he said. Joseph's lawyer didn't do much to me on cross."

"And how's Noah?" Kelbert asked and they walked toward the courtroom exit.

"He's doing better. He's coming to court with me to Joseph's trial tomorrow. He just wants to be with me. Stef and Mike are gonna be there, too."

* * *

John stood outside the courtroom with Stef and Mike, waiting to be admitted and for Noah to arrive. Just as the court officer called them inside, John spotted Noah sprinting toward them.

"Hey! Sorry I'm late," Noah gasped when he reached John.

"You're not supposed to exerting too much energy," John chastised before giving Noah a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm fine," Noah said dismissively. "I just wanted to make sure I made it inside."

"I'm glad you're here," John said, leading Noah into the courtroom with Stef and Mike. The two sat down together and grabbed hands as the judge took her spot at the bench.

"The People call Adam Rawlins to the stand," Haden said once the room was situated.

A court officer escorted Adam into the courtroom and to the witness stand. The officer uncuffed Adam, who took his spot on the stand and was sworn in. Once all was done, Haden started questioning him. Adam testified to bringing the gun to the school before Haden asked him about his motive.

"Why did you bring the gun to school that day?" Haden asked.

"My sister had disclosed to me the night before that our father had raped her, repeatedly, when she was younger," Adam said. "She told me about a game our father had played with both of us as kids, _Monster in the Sheets_."

"What was this game?"

"Basically, our father would play the monster in the sheets and he would grab at us and tickle us."

"What else did your sister say?"

"She asked me if I remembered when Dad and I had stopped playing that game. She then told me that he hadn't stopped playing it with her and that things had gotten inappropriate with her."

"Lies!" Joseph yelled, standing. His attorney quickly stood with him and put an arm on him.

"Order!" the judge shouted, banging her gavel. "Control yourself, Mr. Rawlins."

"I apologize, Your Honor," Joseph's attorney said.

"You may continue, Mr. Haden."

Haden nodded. "What else did your sister tell you, Adam?"

"She said that he started to touch her inappropriately. She said it happened several times before he…" Adam paused, hesitating. "Before he raped her."

Suddenly, Joseph let out an animal-like scream as he stood up and flipped the defense table over, knocking his attorney down. He then ran toward the nearest court officer, grabbed her gun and pointed it at her head as everyone in the gallery started to notice him moving and began panicking.

"He has a gun!" Mike shouted, grabbing his own gun and pointing it toward Joseph, along with Stef, who had her gun pointed at Joseph.

"Stay back!" Joseph yelled.

"Drop the gun!" replied Mike. "Let her go!"

"Everybody back off!" Joseph screamed before pointing the gun and firing at a court officer standing next to Stef and Mike. They flinched and didn't have time to move as Joseph turned, still holding the female officer hostage, and fired a shot at the judge and Adam, hitting both of them.

Joseph then pushed back into one of the side exits, dragging the court officer with him. Mike rushed forward with his gun raised, running toward the door.

"Mike!" Stef shouted. "Mike, don't!"

As he passed through the doors, Mike turned to his left, his gun raised.

"Drop it!" he commanded before shots started ringing and the door closed. Six shots echoed through the courtroom before all went silent.


	6. Loss

Stef rushed with the paramedics who had put Mike onto a stretcher, unconscious. She had blood on her hands from when she tried to stop the bleeding.

"How is he?" Stef demanded.

"We gotta move," one paramedic said.

"We gotta go!" the other echoed.

Amaro suddenly appeared next to Stef.

"I'll ride in the ambulance," he said, grabbing onto the stretcher and helping push it toward the elevator.

"I'll meet you at Scripps," Stef said before she turned and ran back into the courtroom, which was deserted except for Amanda, Kelbert and another set of paramedics, who were putting the judge onto a second stretcher. "How's the judge?"

"She's OK," Kelbert replied. "She got hit in the shoulder."

Stef bent down next to Amanda, who was sitting down in a chair, seemingly frozen.

"Amanda," she said quietly. "You all right, honey?"

Amanda nodded. "Yeah, I think."

"OK," Stef said, standing up and rushing toward the door where Joseph and Mike had disappeared through.

Two officers sat kneeling next to the bodies of Joseph and the court officer.

"She's gone," said the officer checking on the CO. "Point blank through the temple."

Stef sighed and looked toward Joseph. "And Joseph?" she asked.

"He's dead," replied the second officer. "Two in the chest. Foster got him. Is he going to make it?"

"On route to Scripps."

* * *

Stef rushed into the waiting room with John and Noah. Officers crowded it, wanting to get an update on Mike's condition. They paused when they reached Amaro.

"Amaro, how's Mike?" Stef demanded.

"He's in surgery, a bullet hit his liver so they had to do an emergency laparotomy," Amaro explained. "Now they're working on his knee."

"The liver can heal itself, but a bullet to the knee — " Stef started.

"Hey, don't think like that," Nick said. "I had the same thing happen to me before I left New York. He's gonna be all right."

"Stef!" came Lena's voice from behind them. She rushed over to Stef and pulled her into an embrace. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine, Love, it's Mike we gotta worry about," Stef said as Lena hugged John and Noah.

"How is he?"

"He's OK, considering…"

"And Joseph?" John asked.

"He's dead," Stef said shortly. "The court officer, too. The judge, Adam and another CO got hit, too."

"What was he thinking?" John exclaimed. "Grabbing a gun, shooting a judge? There was no way he was getting out of that building alive."

"That's exactly what he was thinking," Amaro said. Stef nodded in agreement.

Just then, a doctor approached them.

"Mrs. Adams Foster?" he asked.

"Yes, how's Mike?" Stef demanded.

"He's out of surgery now," the doctor explained. "We removed both bullets and managed to clean up his wounds. He should make a full recovery from his injuries."

"And what about the others?"

"The judge was just hit in the shoulder and we treated that wound. The court officer who was hit avoided any injury thanks to his vest."

"And Adam Rawlins?" John asked.

"Still touch and go," the doctor said. "His wound was similar to the others, but we had to sedate him and he seemed to have a bit of an overreaction to the drugs. We're keeping an eye on him, but we think he's just going to feel a little out of it for a while."

Stef nodded. "Thank you, doctor," she said. The doctor nodded and walked away. "Do you want to stay?" she added to John, who nodded.

"I just want to make sure he's OK," John said.

* * *

A short time later, John and Noah sat together in a much quieter waiting room, holding hands. Stef and Lena had gone to get coffee. After a brief silence, John turned to Noah.

"Is it wrong that I want to be here to make sure he's OK?" John asked.

Noah shook his head. "I think that's to be expected. Considering all you went through with him, it's understandable that you would want to know how he's doing."

"I'm sorry that you had to see all that in court. I wish there was something I could have done to prevent it."

"Hey," Noah said, putting a hand on John's shoulder. "Don't think like that, all right? There were a hundred different ways this could have gone. We're lucky that we didn't get shot, too."

John nodded. "I just wish he hadn't gotten shot," he said, laying his head on Noah's shoulder.

"You don't have to worry about everyone else you know," said Noah, patting John on the head. "You could try worrying only about you for a change."

John chuckled as they saw Amanda walk into the room. They stood up as she approached them.

"How is he?" John asked.

"I think he's gonna be OK," Amanda replied. "I'm just glad nobody else was badly injured."

"Except your Dad. I know it's weird to say this, but I am sorry for your loss."

Amanda nodded. "I appreciate your sympathy, but in all honesty, I'm better off without him in the world. Everyone is, really."

Another doctor then appeared behind Amanda, calling her name. "Excuse me," she said, walking back to him. The doctor had a somber expression on his face and he led Amanda back down the hallway and put an arm around her.

John turned to Noah. "I'm gonna go check on Adam," he said, giving Noah a quick peck on the cheek.

* * *

John stood with Amanda in Adam's hospital room. Adam was unconscious and hooked up to a breathing tube. His mother, Jessica, sat down next to him, one hand on his chest, while she cried quietly.

"They say it's, you know," Amanda tried to explain, seeming at a loss for words. "There were clots in his brain, you know. And then bleeding and uh…they tried transfusing platelets or something, but…you know, it's just a massive stroke."

John looked at Amanda in shock, unsure of what to say. "I'm so sorry," he said quietly.

"We can see him breathing," Amanda continued. "His heart's beating. It's strong. But, you know, neurologically he, you know, he's…he's already…" She paused before she went on. "Uh, you now — ah, the — the, uh, the only reason they — they keep the machines on is…is, uh…" At that, Amanda started to sob and stammer. "Oh god…for his…for his organs." John, too, started to cry as Amanda broke down. "For…" Amanda said before she completely dissolved into tears. "Oh god, I'm sorry."

John pulled Amanda into a hug and she sobbed. "I'm sorry!" she exclaimed. "Oh god, I'm sorry!" she said in between sobs as John continued to hug her. "I'm sorry."

* * *

John walked down the empty, white hallway. On the other end, Stef and Lena stood with Noah, desperate to hear something. John continued down the hallway in silence, not quite making eye contact with them. When he reached them, John finally looked up with tears in his eyes, unable to tell them verbally what had happened. Lena cupped her hand over mouth and turned away, too shocked by the news. Stef looked at John in disbelief, not knowing how to react. Noah stepped forward and pulled John into a hug as John broke down and sobbed into his shoulder.


	7. Farewell

John walked into the bathroom and toward the sink, picking up some cleaner for his glasses. He took his glasses off and sprayed some of the cleaner onto the lenses when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," he said in a tone of voice that masked the great numbness he was feeling.

Noah walked into the bathroom, dressed in a black suit that rivaled John's. John squinted in the mirror and smiled when he saw it was Noah walking toward him. He finished cleaning his glasses before turning to face Noah. They grabbed hands and held each other at arm's length.

"I'm so glad you came," John said.

"Of course," Noah replied. "There was no way I wasn't going to be here for you today."

John grinned. "I really appreciate that, Noah. I just can't help feel guilty that there are so many people coming to the funeral with me and supporting me. I'm worried that Adam's family won't get that same support," he finished, starting to finally breakdown.

"Hey, hey," Noah said, pulling John into a warm hug. "It's OK to feel the way you do, John. And it's OK that you have everyone coming to the funeral with you to support you. You're supporting Adam and his family and by extension, we're all supporting them, too." John nodded as he slowly stopped crying before he pulled away from Noah, wiping a tear from his face and grabbing a tissue to blow his nose.

"Funerals are not my cup of tea," he said in a shaky voice. "I'm a little nervous about speaking. I'm afraid I'll ruin it."

"You won't," Noah said, leaning forward and kissing John on the head. "Everything is going to be fine, I promise. If you start to feel nervous, just look at me and pretend you're just talking to me."

John smiled and kissed Noah. "Thank you," he said quietly. "For being here."

"Always."

* * *

Outside the funeral home where Adam's service was to be held, the Adams Foster family gathered, meeting up with Jack and his adoptive parents. John quickly introduced everyone before he turned to his twin and pulled him into a hug.

"Thank you for coming," John said as they hugged.

"Of course," Jack replied. "How are you holding up?"

"I've been better, but I'm really glad you're here and that we're going to be together after the service.

As Jack and John broke apart, Connor approached the group and hugged John, too. Once everyone was together, they all entered the church as one unit. John walked hand-in-hand with Noah and guided the group toward Amanda and Jessica, who were wearing identical black dresses. When John and Noah reached them, Amanda smiled and pulled John into a hug.

"Thank you so much for coming," she said.

"Of course," John replied as they broke apart. "I wanted to come and support you and your mom."

"I really appreciate that, John," Jessica said in a voice that sounded incredibly sad, as if she had lost nearly everything important to her. John suddenly remembered that she had with both Adam's death and her divorce from Joseph. "And thank you to your wonderful family for coming to the service."

"I am so sorry for your loss," Stef said, stepping forward with Lena.

Jessica nodded. "I'm just glad there weren't too many people hurt by what Joseph did in court that day. How is your partner?"

"He's recovering," Stef replied. "He's still in the hospital for a few days while he recovers from the surgery, but he should make a full recovery."

"I'm glad to hear that," said Jessica.

"How are you holding up?" asked Lena in a soft tone.

"I'll be fine, considering everything. As long as I have Amanda, I'll be OK." Amanda smiled and pulled her mom in close for a hug. "Well," Jessica said, starting to wipe a tear away. "You all can go right inside. The service will start in a few minutes. If you'd like, you can pay your respects at Adam's casket."

The family walked inside, led by John and Noah again. John hesitated when they reached Adam's casket and gestured for the rest of the family to pay their respects first. Once they were done, he still remained rooted to the spot.

"You OK?" Noah asked in a concerned voice.

John nodded. "I'm just trying to think of what to say to him."

"Take your time," Noah encouraged.

After a few seconds, John nodded again and the two of them walked hand-in-hand toward Adam's casket. Adam was dressed in a simple suit with a blue dress shirt. His arms were folded over his chest. If they hadn't known better, they would have assumed he was asleep.

"Can you give me a minute?" John asked.

Noah nodded and gave John a quick kiss on the cheek before joining the rest of their group. John turned his focus back to Adam's casket, where he continued to observe him.

"I just want to say how sorry I am, for everything," he said in a voice barely louder than a whisper. "I'm sorry for what happened to you in court, for the incident with your dad in the library and for Amanda. She's doing OK, I know, but I feel guilty knowing she won't get the justice she deserves for what your Dad did to her. I'm sorry she didn't get it. Most importantly, I'm sorry that you're no longer here. I know we weren't exactly friends, but I still cared about you as a person and I just wanted you to know that before you get laid to rest."

At that John took one final look at Adam's body before nodding sadly and joining the rest of the family in the pews. He sat next to Noah and the two grabbed hands.

* * *

Midway through the service for Adam, the preacher performing the service asked for John to come up and say a few words about Adam. John stood and walked to the front of the room and looked out into the crowd. The room was about half full, and a quarter of it seemed to be just from the group that came with him. He hesitated before he spoke, but then looked at Stef and Lena, who both nodded encouragingly at him. He looked at Noah, who repeated the same nod as Stef and Lena.

"You couldn't exactly call Adam and I friends," John began. "We knew each other from class at Anchor Beach. I knew him to be a kind person, who was a little quiet, but someone who was always looking out for someone else, kind of like I do all the time, which can drive some people crazy." At that, some chuckles echoed through the room, including, John noticed, Noah's. "Anyway, that's one thing about Adam I've come to admire about him: he was always looking out for those he cared about. Just like his sister, Amanda."

At that, John glanced at Amanda, as if silently asking her permission to continue speaking. She nodded at him before John continued. "I won't go into specifics, but something happened to Amanda that shouldn't have and Adam did his best to ensure his sister got the justice she deserved. I did, too. I was the person in the library when Adam brought the gun to school and confronted his father. I managed to talk him down after I heard about his motive: protecting his sister from something horrible their father had done. That's what I'll remember most about Adam: he fought as hard as he could in order to protect the ones he loved. Jessica, I am so sorry you lost your son. And Amanda, I'm so sorry you didn't get the justice you so deserve. But, I want the both of you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that Adam was a genuinely good person and you two were so lucky to have him in your lives."

At that, John stopped speaking and started walking back toward the family as the room started to clap for him. He waved off the applause and quickly walked back and sat next to Noah.

"Thank you, John, that was certainly very moving," the preacher said.

"Yes it was," said Noah, leaning in and whispering in John's ear. "That was an incredible speech. You did beautifully."

John grinned. "Thank you," he whispered back before giving Noah a kiss on the cheek and grabbing hands with him again.

* * *

John sat with Noah, Jude and Connor on the patio outside. David stood at the grill with Jack, making hamburgers and hotdogs for everyone while Stef, Lena and Margaret prepared the side dishes in the kitchen. John had laid his head on Noah's shoulder when Callie appeared in the doorway.

"Hey, John, Moms want you to come inside for a minute," she said.

"What's up?" John asked, lifting his head up.

"I don't know, they just said to ask to bring you inside."

"You OK?" Noah asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," John replied, standing up and kissing him on the forehead. "I'll be back in a minute. "

John followed Callie into the house and to the kitchen. Stef and Lena were sitting, as if waiting for him. Margaret seemed to have disappeared.

"Is everything OK?" John asked, sitting down in front of Stef and Lena.

"Yeah, everything's fine, Love," answered Stef. "Margaret just ran to the bathroom and Callie's gonna help her move things outside."

"You needed me to come inside to say that?"

"No," said Lena. "Actually, we invited someone here who we want you to talk to, John."

"Who is it?"

At that, the doorbell rang.

"That should be her," Stef said, gesturing for John to stand up with her and Lena. They walked into the living room and to the front door. Stef opened it.

"Hi, Stef," said a familiar voice.

"Hi, Rita, thank you so much for coming," Stef said, inviting Rita into the house. "John, you remember Rita from Girls United?"

"Of course," John said quickly, walking to Rita and shaking hands with her. "How are you, Rita?"

"I'm fine, thanks. I'm actually here to talk to you."

"Me?" asked John, sounding confused.

"Yeah," said Rita. "Your moms thought it would be a good idea if we talked, given everything that you've been through today and the last week or so."

"I appreciate that," John said. He turned to Stef and Lena. "Thank you. But, don't wait on me to start eating. Go ahead and get started."

"OK, Love," Stef replied, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "We'll be waiting for you."

"Take as long as you need," Lena added before turning and leaving with Stef.

John turned back to Rita and smiled. "Please, sit down," he said, gesturing to the couch and recliner next to them.

"Thank you, John, that's very polite," Rita replied.

"Can I get you anything? A glass of water or something?"

"Oh, I'm good, John. I'm sure I'll be getting plenty of food and water after we're done here."

"Oh, you're staying for dinner? That would be nice."

Rita smiled as they both sat down. "So, John, you can't have had an easy week."

John chuckled and sighed. "No, I guess this hasn't been one of my easier weeks," he said. "It's probably the hardest I've ever had, even worse than when my birth parents died."

"Well, I'm here to talk to you about whatever is on your mind and to help your process your thoughts. We can start wherever you're most comfortable starting."

John nodded. "I think the incident in the library is past me. I mean, sure it was pretty scary, but in the grand scale of things, I think I'm not really focusing on that."

"Well, what are you focusing on, John?"

"The shootout in the courtroom," John replied, his tone of voice getting quieter. "I know I wasn't hit or anything, but I was so scared for Noah. And for Mom and Mike. And really, everyone who was in there."

"That's understandable," Rita said. "Hearing gunshots flying around you, even when none of the bullets hit you, can be traumatic for anyone."

"I just wish it hadn't happened at all. I think I might be partially responsible for what happened."

"And how's that, John?"

"We wouldn't have been in court if I hadn't told the police about what happened between Amanda and her father. That was the whole reason for us being there. She didn't even ask for my help, so what business did I have telling the police what happened?"

"You were doing what you thought was right," Rita explained. "You had to see that justice would get done. There's no shame in that. And how could you have known Joseph would react the way he did?"

"Because I know better than that," John replied. "Rapists and other sexual predators can have the worst kinds of reactions when they get accused. They do everything they can to hide what they've done that when they're caught, they may do anything to avoid admitting it."

"But you didn't know for sure how Joseph would react. That's not your fault, John."

"If I could do it again, I…" John said, hesitating as he felt the tears coming again. "I wouldn't have waited to get Adam to admit to me why he did what he did. Maybe I could've talked to Joseph…"

"Talked to a man who was being confronted by his son with a gun for raping his only daughter? There were other people in the library. You got them out. They have their families."

"And Jessica and Amanda don't have their son and brother. Why do they deserve that?"

"Or do you mean why do you deserve to live when Adam is dead?" Rita challenged. "You've got to mourn this loss, but you cannot judge yourself for feeling relieved that you survived."

"I can't?" John asked, the tears flowing freely down his face.

"You are lucky to be alive and Noah, Jack and your family are lucky that you are, but that is not why you talked to Adam later than you wish you could have. I know you think you know everything, but no one could have predicted what was going to happen after the library incident. It was Adam's time. It wasn't yours, John."

They stared at each other for a few seconds before John sighed and nodded. Rita stood up and sat down next to him, putting her arms around him and hugging him.

"You're a good person, John. I know we don't know each other that well, but I know enough about you to know that you're a very good person who bad things have happened to. And I want you to do something for me."

"What's that?"

"Take care of yourself once in a while. Your Moms told me you're so good about taking care of others that you often forget to take care of yourself."

John chuckled as they broke apart and he wiped another tear away. "OK," he said. "I'll work on taking care of me."

"Good man," Rita said, standing up. "Well, do you think you're up for some food after this talk?"

They laughed heartily together for a few moments before John answered. "Yeah, I think I can manage."

John and Rita walked out of the living room and toward the door leading to the backyard, where everyone else was gathered around the table, putting the final items on all of their plates. When they reached the table, Stef and Lena handed each of them a plate. Rita immediately went for some of the food on the table while John remained behind with Stef and Lena.

"Thank you, Moms," he said. "For having Rita come and talk to me."

"Of course, Love." Stef replied.

"Did it help?" asked Lena.

"A lot," John said. "I think I'll be OK now."

Stef and Lena smiled at him and each gave him a kiss on the cheek before he turned toward the food and started piling some onto his plate.

* * *

After dinner, John and Noah sat together on the couch on the patio. Everyone else was still sitting around the table, chatting and laughing loudly. John and Noah sat with John in Noah's arms.

"So, you were right," John said.

"About what?" asked Noah.

"About me worrying about myself once in a while."

Noah chuckled. "So, are you going to do it? Worry about yourself once in a while?"

"I will. I promise. And I wouldn't mind a little help doing it."

"I'd be honored," Noah said, pulling John forward into a kiss that lasted several seconds. When they broke apart, Noah said, "I love you."

"I love you, too," John replied. "So much. Thank you for everything you've done for me over the last few days. I'm so glad I can count on you when I need you the most."

"I promise that any time you need me, I'll be here."

"Thank you," John repeated as Noah pulled him closer. John laid his head down on Noah's shoulder as Noah planted a kiss on his head.


End file.
